Proud-ish

Barely ate today :) The amount of food ive eaten today would probably disgust most of you... but for someone who went from eating nothing to everything and now back to almost nothing, so fast? Its pretty good.

-No Breakfast-
Lunch: 8 samosas  (59 cals for 3, no fat, spicy)
Snack: Coffee w/ 3 milks and 2 sugars, grilled chicken on whole wheat bun
'Snack': 1 cup chocolate milk
Dinner: Whole wheat bun with condiments and cheese with 1 slice bacon (i work in fastfood..only thing 'good'), coffee again
Late night snack: green grapes, water, and three B6 metabolism boosting pills

Happy happy. My house is full of doritos, tostitos, pasta, fresh bread with butter... but im stayin away:) Time for bed.. gotta be up at 730 (havent done that in SO long).

Will dream of eating good food but i wont actually eat it:)
 Adios

Guess Who's Baaaack...

KnockKnock. Who's there. Oh, hey Ana. Been a while.
A little overview:
Had an ED since grade 6. Currently 1 year out of highschool. Passed 2 years ive slowly been recovering (aka GETTING FAT) my boyfriend of 3 years has kept me sane and somehow got me on the road to recovery. Lately ive been turning back to one of my old besties i left in the dust unanswered; Ana.

I joined MuayThai a year ago. I train almost everyday. I also eat everyday. I am a pig. Last summer i had a bangin bod, i'll admit that. This year... i just keep getting fatter. In a course of 5 months ive gained 10 lbs. Im wanting to lose 20 now. I can do this. I will get my willpower back. I will be size 4 again. Noone and nothing will stop me. Time to train my stomach again. Time to train my mind, again. Ill be skinny again.

Not eating

so stressed, confused and lonely lately. I dont know what to do anymore. I barely eat which I love. Now to find time to exercise and ill finally lose 20 lbs.

Good Day

Today was cool.. i didnt eat a lot so im proud of that.. i had to eat a sandwich for my Philosophy class though (dont ask).All in all i had a banana, tim hortons sandwich, XL coffee 2 sweetner and 2 milk, bottle of water. Thats it so far. Tonight im probably going to have water salad and chickpeas. Yesterday my boyfriend said im really skinny hehe :) EVEN THOUGH IM NOT. Whatever... it made me smile anyways. I see no difference so i think he is lying. I dont have a lot of time to workout today, i think ill get some crunches in and maybe some stairs. I want to go to the gym but noone is available:( GRRR. Im cleaning my house hardcore today and all of that aka ill burn calories. Oh and ill probably play music in my shower and dance because im a lunatic and belong in the looney bin. (not really) Anywho im going down for a nap so i have more energy to do stuff.
staythin my lovelies

today was not a good day

I mean in reality it was a good day with my boyfriend and all.. but food wise? -cue the shining music-
Yeah. I brought over my boyfriends Valentines Day gift today and chocolate was involved.. i had 2 pieces and 3 pieces of a KitKat (< the sh1t). Then i was later invited to his little cousins birthday party and ive never met anyone! I went anyways and his mom and himself kept telling me to eat haha, i had 5 tostito chips, 9 of those small swedish meatballs, piece of garlic bread, a cabbage sausage roll, 3/4 cup of pasta and a cupcake. Im glad i went theyre though it was fun and his family are nice people :) His mom however brought me a Sprite (1 month since i havent had pop) and i drank it out of guilt. I do NOT miss pop! OMG my stomach bloated i felt gassy and had to burp.. it wasnt comfortable so i can safely say water triumphs over pop any day. Tomorrow is a new day.
staythin

p.s my boyfriend said i am 'reaallly skinny!' i hope thats the truth haha because that makes me feel a bit better :)

More and More Fat

today i had:
salad
whole wheat bun with veggies
salmon, chickpeas,spinach,brussell sprouts and mushrooms BAKED
then those wafer sticks i had about 14. :(
AND 8 pieces of chocolate..
at 2am i saw a kitkat and went to town on it..
what the fuck is wrong with me i have no willpower...
FUCKFUCKFUCK.
i seem to get fatter and fatter..
tomorrow im eating nothing but a banana. im limiting myself to 950 cals a day now.
i need to start working out.. i NEVER WORK OUT.
jesus christ.. :(

..Cont'd

My boyfriend says im just 'seeing things'. BULLSHIT. All i see are rolls apon rolls, i have the biggest love handles you could imagine, massive thighs and santa claus tummy. MY stomach is hanging over my leggings right now. Im disgusting. I am 6'1" and FAT. Why?? Seriously WHY? I am supposed to be tall and thin, not tall and FAT.
jesus christ...
This is my boyfriend.. he is an MMA fighter. Earlier i said hes 13% body fat. I AM 28%. He says im fine how i am, really? Because he sits on my couch and pats his stomach saying he needs to lose weight.. he weighs less than me and has only skin on his stomach and muscle, no fat. I feel like shit.